• Home
  • Coaching
    • Coach Baker
    • Pricing
    • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Race Reports
    • Running
    • Swimming
    • Tips and Tactics
    • Triathlon

Posted on November 26, 2012 by admin Posted in All, Fitness 4 Comments

It occurred to me tonight after giving my friend Claire strategic advice on how to kill a cockroach, that maybe this was information other people could use.

Some of you readers at home might be asking, “Baker, what makes you so qualified to give this kind of advice?” Great question!

For starters, I have lived here a long time and up until the last few years, in apartments shared by cockroaches. I’m not saying I lived in squalor, just seedy places. I was young.

That reminds me, one time in said apartments I woke up in the middle of the night because a cockroach was running across my back. Try that one on for size at 3AM.

I have also eaten cockroaches. And scorpons. And tarantulas. And Giant Ants. They fear me.

I studied Shaolin Kung Fu in my early twenties (before all this running and triathlon bs) so I’m stealthy.

Without further adieu, I will now introduce 2 techniques I have developed over the years.

The ‘Catch and Release’

This technique is a cleaner approach to the ‘Crime Scene’ technique I will discuss next. You will need 1 Pint Glass or something comparable that wont easily break and some junk mail, maybe a postcard.

While coming from behind, at a low stance, slowly creep to an arms length distance. Hold the glass in your weaker hand (a righty would hold it in their left hand) and get it face down just above the roach. If the roach senses you and moves forward hang back and try creeping in again after a few minutes. Once you have the glass positioned 1-2 feet above the cockroach, swiftly  bring it down capturing him! Do not let go as these guys can get under the rim of the glass. You may have cinched part of him under the glass, if so, slide the glass around until he is in the main chamber. Next, while applying downward pressure on the glass, slide the postcard under the cup. When it has sealed up the whole opening quickly flip both the glass and postcard over, keeping your hand on the postcard.

Congratulations, you have just captured the cockroach in a clean and humane fashion. What you do next is up to you. Open your window and drop him out or maybe flush him down the toilet (referred to as a ‘Burial at Sea’). Do not, however, put him in your trash can.

Throw out the pint glass.

SIDENOTE: This technique will not work if he is tucked under the baseboards or in a spot where you can’t get close. Please use the ‘Crime Scene’ method instead. 

The ‘Crime Scene’ 

A less humane approach, all you need is a blunt object. A rolled up magazine, a shoe, or a dish towel will work perfectly.

With the blunt object (I prefer a rolled up magazine) creep up from behind at a low level with arm already extended. Any quick movement will send this character off at crazytime speed. As soon as you are in striking distance slam that magazine down and repeat over and over. Odds are your first hit wasn’t direct, you need a kill strike so keep at it and remember, don’t look away!

It’s called the ‘Crime Scene’ for a reason. When you have succeeded there will be body parts everywhere. It’s disgusting. The magazine is now trash and so is your floor. To anyone watching you, you now have a crazed look in your eyes and a strange grin, they will not sign a lease with you next year.

Good luck and happy hunting!

 

 

Cockroach NYC
« Running with my racers
The Mint Stories »

4 thoughts on “How to Kill a NYC Cockroach”

  1. Claire says
    November 26, 2012 at 8:20 am

    “While coming from behind, at a low stance, slowly creep to an arms length distance.” That’s the same advice you give me when I’m on the prowl for dudes. Anyway, thanks for being a friend!

  2. Robin says
    November 26, 2012 at 8:29 am

    “The magazine is now trash and so is your floor. To anyone watching you, you now have a crazed look in your eyes and a strange grin, they will not sign a lease with you next year.” hahahahaaaa dying. thanks for the pro advice, bakes!

  3. Kelly says
    November 26, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    hahahahaha. this is hilarious. I have my own skills to share, kind of similar to the “crime scene” technique except it involves blasting them to death with Raid. Once they get wet they can’t really move, and especially if they’ve turned over – getting that part wet/full of poison is instant death. Clearly I have some experience here too… I should move next door, huh?

  4. Pingback: Monday Wrap Up: On Sacrifice | Bloggers of Beer

Comments are closed.

Recent Posts

  • VIRTUAL RACE REPORT: 156 #TCSNYCMarathon – 3:13:44
  • VIRTUAL RACE REPORT: 155 NYC Duathlon – 2:06:13
  • 154: Grete’s Great Gallop 10k – 37:51
  • 153: Mightyman Montauk Half Ironman – 5:25:08
  • RACE REPORT 147: Gothenburg Half Marathon – 1:26:40

Recent Comments

  • The 2018 Boston Marathon: 3:10:33 - on RACE REPORT: 133 – NJ Marathon: 3:05:38
  • nelsonaspen on RACE REPORT: 138 The Chicago Marathon – 3:02:36
  • Mike on RACE REPORT: 138 The Chicago Marathon – 3:02:36
  • Escape from Ireland | beyond defeat on London Relocation
  • Mike on Escape from Ireland

Archives

  • November 2020
  • July 2020
  • October 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • November 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • February 2018
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • March 2017
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • November 2008

Categories

  • All
  • Biathlon
  • Fitness
  • Race Reports
  • Recipes
  • Running
  • Swimming
  • Tips and Tactics
  • Training: Cycling
  • Training: Running
  • Training: Swimming
  • Triathlon
  • Uncategorized

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
CyberChimps ©2021