Due to some documents that have recently been revealed, it seems that my claim of only being a runner for the last 3 years to be false. The following transcript was published in 1988, when I was only 11 and paints a dramatic account of my running abilities.

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Hi, my name is Chris and I am the world’s fastest runner. I can run up to light speed! Not only can I run up to light speed, but I can fire lightening bolts out of my fists! Let’s go back to 1982. It was a Saturday night and I was going to sleep. Then, I heard someone calling my name and I ran over to see who or what he wanted. “Hi, there” he said. “What do you want?” “Nothing, I just want to give you something” “What?” “Super Powers!” “Wow” “You will be able to stop robbers and burglars.” I woke up, it was a dream. Woooshh! “Wow! I can get out of bed super fast! That dream must have been real!” And so that’s how I got my super powers.

Bye. Wooooooosssssshhhhhh!

I was probably looking like this when I wrote that and no, Adidas wasn’t sponsoring me yet.