BEYOND DEFEAT
  • Home
  • Coaching
    • Coach Baker
    • Pricing
    • Testimonials
  • Articles
    • Race Reports
    • Running
    • Swimming
    • Tips and Tactics
    • Triathlon

Monthly Archives: November 2012

The Mint Stories

Posted on November 28, 2012 by admin Posted in All Leave a comment

In 2000, when I first moved to New York City I wanted to write about all the unique experiences I was having. Having no writing background or skills, I set out with what I called my ‘Mint Stories.’  Although I really wanted to make some changes to them I have posted them in their original form, unedited.

1.

Somewhere along the way, in my ongoing quest for happiness, I stumbled across something very special. Something that can turn a bad day upside-down. A power so strong it can help you mesmerize others with clarity. It may be too strong for some. The Altoid™, “a curiously strong mint®”, is this special happiness i speak of. You think that is quite an unusual statement to make, perhaps even call me insane to qualify a mint to represent happiness. We have all been there, that place we don’t like to remember: right after that routine breakfast of bagel and cream cheese, orange juice, and a whole lot of delicious coffee. You start to realize that your breath isn’t as pleasant as you would like it to be. It’s kind of sticky, a bit overheated, and is starting to make-even you- nauseous. Now is the time to find that obnoxiously anal retentive coworker (i happen to be one of those people) who might be packing some Altoids. Pure, unadulterated, clean wholesome pleasure is your experience once you accept the Altoid. It’s like a car wash for your mouth! You feel great afterwords, have more confidence, and become more successful on a long term basis. How could you deny that as happiness? The most convenient detail of the whole situation is that you can find these tasty mints at any corner store. Yes, happiness lies at every corner.

2.

Having gone to college in Baltimore, I gained an infinite tolerance towards panhandlers, as Baltimore is the capital city of this increasingly popular occupation. Now that I live in Manhattan and make more money than I ever have, and being as poor as I can remember, i am saddened that I cannot help these citizens. Walking uptown at midnight one evening, I was pondering this problem with no intent to solve it, when a panhandler approached me. There are rules you realize. A person cannot deny someone change, even if they know they have none, without first pretending to search one’s pockets. While looking quite astonished at the reality of having no change to give, my hands fumbled across something, a new addiction I had picked up. An addiction for emergency, only when I really needed it. i figured I had maybe seven mints left in my pocket, surely enough to spare, and this was an emergency. I held his hand still and placed the mint in his palm as if I had just given him a ruby. He looked mildly puzzled at first, as if I were attempting to drug him with some new pill. I smiled and assured him that it was definitely a mint. As I left his company I had not gone two blocks before hearing the screams. “Happy New Year! Happy New Year!” he proclaimed while waving at me. I waved back and then continued on my way with a smile, he had enjoyed the mint.

3.

The NYC subway has an amazing social scene, especially late nights. Every trip I take, has lead me into conversation with some unique character, some too outrageous to be real. One evening, I used poor train placement and chose to stand in the middle of the car even though there were plenty of seats. I had put myself into a really uncomfortable situation, the choice I made was obviously one made by someone who wasn’t thinking clearly. Feeling the eyes of all the other train riders peering me up and down I wondered if things could get any worse? Yes; they could. A most insane panhandler entered the train weaving a sad and perilous tale of poverty in new york city, begging us (all subway riders big and small) to help. He staggered obnoxiously up and down the train, a few onlookers giving change and trinkets, all the rest of us pretending that he had mysteriously become invisible. Slowing to a stop at the next station our man turned to leave and made direct eye contact with me! Frantically searching my pockets I realized I had no change, but I did have something of value to aid him in his quest. “Sir, would you like a mint?” I asked with smiling enthusiasm. He stared me down for what seemed an eternity as I noticed the entire train watching the fiasco. He accepted my offer and popped the mint into his mouth quickly. As he left the train he produced a huge grin of satisfaction as the mint began to work its charm. Observing this put me at a very high mint confidence level. As he left, yet another penniless madman entered our car. Apparently, this man had drank a considerable amount more then the other, as he was pent up with a lot of anger. He duplicated the sad story of the man before him, making me feel like a sucker for giving him a mint, as this was surely the real McCoy of homelessness. The man screaming across the train at me, and knowing I had a few more mints, I nodded; assuring him that I had a gift for him. I produced the precious mint between my thumb and forefinger like a jewel. Snatching the mint from my fingers, he looked at me with a dreadful fire in his eyes. I became a bit nervous at this reaction, the man now backing up slowly. “What is this!” said the angry man. Unsure of how to proceed, I decided to be honest and truthful. “That is a mint.” I said attempting a smile. Someone was throwing gasoline on those fires in his eyes because I was sweating profusely from the rise in temperature! “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this!” he asked. I told him that eating it was his best option. “Fuck you! This is mother fuckin’ New York City!” he screamed while returning my mint to me. If any subway rider was sleeping or not paying us attention earlier, we now had a full audience; standing room only. The doors opened; he left.

mints NYC

How to Kill a NYC Cockroach

Posted on November 26, 2012 by admin Posted in All, Fitness 4 Comments

It occurred to me tonight after giving my friend Claire strategic advice on how to kill a cockroach, that maybe this was information other people could use.

Some of you readers at home might be asking, “Baker, what makes you so qualified to give this kind of advice?” Great question!

For starters, I have lived here a long time and up until the last few years, in apartments shared by cockroaches. I’m not saying I lived in squalor, just seedy places. I was young.

That reminds me, one time in said apartments I woke up in the middle of the night because a cockroach was running across my back. Try that one on for size at 3AM.

I have also eaten cockroaches. And scorpons. And tarantulas. And Giant Ants. They fear me.

I studied Shaolin Kung Fu in my early twenties (before all this running and triathlon bs) so I’m stealthy.

Without further adieu, I will now introduce 2 techniques I have developed over the years.

The ‘Catch and Release’

This technique is a cleaner approach to the ‘Crime Scene’ technique I will discuss next. You will need 1 Pint Glass or something comparable that wont easily break and some junk mail, maybe a postcard.

While coming from behind, at a low stance, slowly creep to an arms length distance. Hold the glass in your weaker hand (a righty would hold it in their left hand) and get it face down just above the roach. If the roach senses you and moves forward hang back and try creeping in again after a few minutes. Once you have the glass positioned 1-2 feet above the cockroach, swiftly  bring it down capturing him! Do not let go as these guys can get under the rim of the glass. You may have cinched part of him under the glass, if so, slide the glass around until he is in the main chamber. Next, while applying downward pressure on the glass, slide the postcard under the cup. When it has sealed up the whole opening quickly flip both the glass and postcard over, keeping your hand on the postcard.

Congratulations, you have just captured the cockroach in a clean and humane fashion. What you do next is up to you. Open your window and drop him out or maybe flush him down the toilet (referred to as a ‘Burial at Sea’). Do not, however, put him in your trash can.

Throw out the pint glass.

SIDENOTE: This technique will not work if he is tucked under the baseboards or in a spot where you can’t get close. Please use the ‘Crime Scene’ method instead. 

The ‘Crime Scene’ 

A less humane approach, all you need is a blunt object. A rolled up magazine, a shoe, or a dish towel will work perfectly.

With the blunt object (I prefer a rolled up magazine) creep up from behind at a low level with arm already extended. Any quick movement will send this character off at crazytime speed. As soon as you are in striking distance slam that magazine down and repeat over and over. Odds are your first hit wasn’t direct, you need a kill strike so keep at it and remember, don’t look away!

It’s called the ‘Crime Scene’ for a reason. When you have succeeded there will be body parts everywhere. It’s disgusting. The magazine is now trash and so is your floor. To anyone watching you, you now have a crazed look in your eyes and a strange grin, they will not sign a lease with you next year.

Good luck and happy hunting!

 

 

Cockroach NYC

Running with my racers

Posted on November 18, 2012 by admin Posted in All, Fitness, Race Reports, Training: Running 2 Comments

My weekend plans changed quite a bit. As I sat drinking my coffee I realized that the Knickerbocker 60K was going down and I had some crew racing it. Hmmm… I think I’ll go run and support my peeps!

I ran the 60K in 2009. Here is a funny video of my finish.

As I set off in the opposite direction of all the Knickerbocker folks I flashed back to my race and how fun (and painful it was).

I saw friend Jim first, who seemed to be doing great! Then, I saw Kevin and Michael from Front Runners, looking strong. Next up, Sebastien, who was on a mission flying by. I said to myself, “I bet he is trying to win this thing.”

Cruising across the 103 Trans I saw Paddy coming my way. I flipped around and started running with him. He was on lap 5 of 9 and doing great. We chatted about running and just kinda enjoyed the day. As a runner, and being in Paddy’s shoes a few times, I tried to be the best pace setter a guy could be. First off, I tried to be the one doing most of the talking.  Second, I didn’t do TOO much talking and kept my pace as close to his as possible. I think I did a good job.

After 2 miles I bid him farewell and flipped back around. I saw Robin here and had a brief chat with her before she took off.

I did a full loop of the Park after this and saw Kevin, Michael, Paddy, Sebastien, and Jim a few more times. It was an amazing fall day for a run and I was kinda sad I didn’t sign up to race this one!

This post was really just a lead in for some ‘Big Ups’ and ‘Godspeeds,’ so here we go.

Sebastien! You won the damn thing! Congrats! We first met during the 2009 Knickerbocker  (pic of us hangin after below) and he came in 2nd then!

Paddy! Nice work on the PR brother!

Ed! You have your first marathon to run tomorrow in Philly, kick some ass!

Bethaney! Godspeed in Philly! Lookout for Ed!

Kelly! I sense a PR tomorrow in Philly.

Philly peeps, godspeed. Have a great race! I hear you have to have purple mohawks to get into this thing?!

Ironman Arizona peeps! Jen and Audra, please have mercy on your competitors. You two are a force to be reckoned with. Kill it and represent Kompetitive Edge in style. Arizona was my first Ironman so it has a special place in my heart.

Brooklyn Marathoners! Represent! Cooper Trooper you better own it!

It makes me terribly proud to know so many outstanding athletes.

 

 

 

A Thanksgiving thought

Posted on November 13, 2012 by admin Posted in All, Uncategorized 1 Comment

I feel pretty blessed to have such a great community of friends. Lately though, there has been a lot of negativity and general dismay. It made me think of a story that affected my life forever and I want to tell it. No, it’s not a race report, but it’s my blog so I can get serious if I want to.

—

Three or four years ago I was getting ready to leave work. Winter had set in and I was bundling up, preparing for a crowded subway ride home. My mind was racing and I had to sit back down. The racing was more like a headache, creating a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it had been there all day.

Without going into too much detail, let’s just say I had gotten myself into a boatload of financial trouble rather quickly. No, the mob wasn’t involved but it was still very stressful, especially for someone who likes to have his ‘ducks in a row’.

Leaving work and heading East across 53rd Street it was particularly cold and windy, the kind of weather that ironically burns so to speak. My mind was also burning for a solution to my problem. I felt like crying, like moving away and starting all over. Had New York City finally gotten to me 10 years later?

The Subway, although a shelter from the cold, was no treat on a night like tonight. Anyone who even considered walking home didn’t due to the frigid weather. The 6 Train was packed, not the kind of packed you get every day, but the kind where you don’t even need to hold onto the pole for stability. It quickly went from cold to hot and I wished I had the space to unbutton my overcoat. We slowly clicked forward, everyone doing their best to maintain some sort of composure. “Should I sell some of my things? How will I pay rent? Maybe take a night job?” I was somewhere else.

A few stops in a faint sound came to my attention. ‘Clang!’ ‘Scraaaaaape.’ ‘Clang!’ ‘Scraaaaaape.’ It was coming from the far end of the car. People on that end were shifting around and looking a bit startled. I went back to stressing out, but the sound was getting louder. ‘Clang!’ ‘Scraaaaape.’ ‘Clang!’ ‘Scraaaaape.’ People in the middle of the car were now sidestepping, still I could not see who was passing through the car. At one point I thought, “Who on earth would try and navigate through this crowded train? Seriously!”

Finally, a sight I will never forget, came into view. As I stood there, in my suit and overcoat heading to my apartment worrying about some financial troubles, a blind man with no legs was pushing a coffee tin full of change down the center of the train. He had a bandana covering his eyes, and as he swung his torso he supported himself with only his arms. His hands, dirty, were wrapped in strips of cloth to protect them. The entire car fell silent. ‘Clang!’ ‘Scraaaaape.’ ‘Clang!’ ‘Scraaaaape.’ I reached into my pocket for any money I had and put it in his tin pail. My mood quickly changed.

Exiting my stop and continuing on I almost broke into tears on the street. As I walked toward my warm apartment and my warm bed,  hot food waiting to be prepared, I worried about something so trivial.

It reminded me of a quote I read, excuse me if it’s not exact, “No matter how great your problems may seem, there will always be someone else with greater problems.”

New York City and its neighboring lands were devastated by Hurricane Sandy this year, some harder than others. Let us also not forget, many people all over the world have it pretty rough. Donate just $10 (or more) to Red Cross for Sandy victims, $10 to save a rainforest, or $10 for Lymphoma research (a cause dear to my heart) or just remember them this month in a toast.

What am I thankful for on this Thanksgiving? I was blessed with two strong legs that carry me swiftly across the land. I can run.

New York New York!

Posted on November 5, 2012 by admin Posted in All, Race Reports, Recipes 5 Comments

It’s a good day to be a runner.

In the wake of hurricane Sandy, New York and it’s neighbors were left hungry, cold and some without homes. In the days following a horrible debate came to play, to go on with the NYC Marathon or to not. Bloomberg kept the show on until Friday, a mere 2 days from the race. Runners, not our Mayor, were being threatened and attacked by people who thought it a bad idea. Shame on them for attacking people who run to raise thousands of dollars to help others.

My personal opinion was that the race should have been cancelled Tuesday. I was not going to run it anyway.

Before continuing on to more positive things, I need to say this… if you were one of those people with an opinion, you better have been out there PHYSICALLY helping, otherwise you just added to the problem.

Runners, and especially the ones I am honored to call my friends, are noble and amazing people.

On the morning of the NYC Mary thousands of runners (wearing their orange race shirts) banded together and went to Staten Island, bringing much needed supplies and to help in any way they could. My friend Eissa organized our own event. At 9:30AM today a few dozen of us runners compiled loads of donated items to bring to Brooklyn and Staten Island.

At our donation drop off point I finally got to meet Ron, who is also coached by Sonja! Speaking of Sonja, her friend Gaye was there to join in! What a small world! The rest of the Runner Army was there in force too.

We packed Eissa’s car to the brim! It was so funny to see! Today she will drop off all of these goods to people in need affected by Sandy.

Next, we took off toward The Central Park for a loop. As we entered we were totally amazed at all the positive energy there! Thousands of runners, decked out in their marathon gear, were doing loops of the Park! There were people all over cheering with signs and cowbells, some handing out water. Every few miles there were groups with donation drop-off areas, collecting more goods to bring.

We made the best of it and really took it all in. It really made me happy and renewed my faith in humanity.

“I love this town!”

 

NYCM 2012
  • RACE REPORT: NYC Marathon – 3:09:25
  • RACE REPORT: 158 NYC Marathon – 2:58:30
  • RACE REPORT: 157 The Boston Marathon – 3:00:00
  • VIRTUAL RACE REPORT: 156 #TCSNYCMarathon – 3:13:44
  • VIRTUAL RACE REPORT: 155 NYC Duathlon – 2:06:13
CyberChimps ©2023